No one really knows how true Colin Haye's songs are...
Its a terrible inconvenience for me.
I know its been a horribly long time since the last time I blogged, and I am truly sorry that the first one in a long time is gonna be a depression rant, it's all I have right now. (Litterally)
I don't know what I did to deserve what is going on, so I will fill you in and maybe you will get some ideas for me to share or something.
So here it goes:
Last week, I had a dream that I saw my ex Vanessa and we started living together again. For those of you who do not know who this is, she is my ex that drank a lot, and I finally was able to get her to stop, but for some ungodly reason, I broke up with her.
Dumbest mistake i've ever made.
So her and I were living together as a family, happy. And I woke up from this dream to a text from her saying we should hang out.
My heart jumped with joy, so I said yeah but it would have to be next tuesday (this weeks tuesday) and we planned it out.
I got it all in my head that I could get her back, and that was my first mistake.
As I get there I see how beautiful she is, but Christie texts me saying she has a boyfriend...my heart dropped from the top of my chest, to my stomach.
Her boyfriend is this guy who drags her to parties and gets her to drink and smoke weed with him. And so I think to myself...well thats just not fair.
I was good for her, I was good to her, I was happy with her.
So I talked to her seeing if I could possibly have another chance with her and she said she would think about it, so I got hopeful (second mistake) and happy.
I waited till Thursday, where that night she said "Lets just stay friends because I am still with my boyfriend."
So I asked her what I could do to make her see how serious I was about this and she said, "You messed up too bad, its just not going to happen, you hurt me a lot brenden."
The shit didn't stop hitting the fan, that next morning, there was a discrepancy at Gamestop where we lost a wii system.
The finger of blame was pointed on me because i forgot to catch it.
I get a call from my manager yesterday saying Brenden, I don't know how Gavin (our District Manager) will take this, so brace yourself.
So Im worried what will happen when I go into work today.
Im freaking out because this is the one job I have had where I love going into work every day, and its the one thing that is keeping me alive here.
If I lose it, its goodbye Pinetop, and hello Albuquerque.
Everyone I know, gone.
Everyone I've met, gone.
Brenden, gone.
So I am trying to fix this all because I want to stay here and get money to move to portland, and I don't know if I can do that at Albuquerque...I am just having a meltdown, and probably shouldnt even be worrying, however, I will let everyone know what happens when it happens.
Thanks for reading my rant of depression, and I hope you can find anything in here that may hint at why I am getting this stuff happening to me...
till next time everyone, for science.
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