A little update from my life

So I decide to do this is one way, I will drop the happy news before the sad news, just to get that monkey off your back of how the job thing went.
Well I didnt get fired, only written up because the DM (district manager gavin) loves me.
Other SGA's would have gotten fired over the thing that happened, but since he liked me, he didnt want me getting fired. Sweet right?
(Hold the yays and applause cause here comes the depressed shit)

So Vanessa practically told me I have absolutely no more chances with her which made me slightly depressed because...well I love her, truly I do, and I would do anything to have her see how serious I am about wanting to be with her.
Her boyfriend, who drinks with her and smokes, has given her a promise ring.
Even typing that sent my heart down to my stomach, and I feel as though I have been stabbed repetitively.
It sucks honestly blogger.
It really does, and I know it seems like, "Oh brenden, its just drama bull shit. Don't worry, your just too young anyways and feeling sorry for yourself."
No, this I know, is me in love.
I have never been this hung up over someone in my life.
Its been 5 months...5 months of me thinking about her, wanting her back, needing her.
So this is it...Brenden can no longer really be happy since he was denied by the person he loves.
It really hurts...a lot.
Say what you want, but I know what I feel, that is why I am me, and you are not me.

So here is where I try to solve my problems, this is my new list of things I need to change about myself:
I will check them off once completed, and If I can not complete this, I dont know what I will do.
[ ] Try not getting so attached to who ever I get involved with.
[ ] Keep a safe distance between the person, and my feelings.
[ ] Stronger emotions, and less sadness.
[ ] Don't force anything, let it come.
[ ] Be careful of who I go for.
[ ] Don't ever think about anyone else's emotions before mine.
[ ] Put me before anyone else.
[ ] Get some self respect.
[ ] Grow a spine.
[ ] Figure out my life*
[ ] Get over Vanessa...once and for all*
[ ] Create a sort of mental nirvana for myself to escape to whenever things get too out of hand.
[ ] Meditate on a regular schedule.

* means the harder challenges for me.

I dont know...maybe or maybe not, I can do this...who knows.
Currently my mind is clouded by her still...maybe I can meditate it off or something.
Well thats all for me tonight.
Goodnight Passerby and blogger.
This is all for science.